Learning....

Andi here--- apologizing for the freak out yesterday morning. Thanks for listening blog world.

Anywho people, here is what i have learned so far about blogging. A blog is nothing more than another word for diary or journal. I didn't realize how scary it would be to share everything on a site that ANYONE could look at.... but i think it is refreshing. So i'm giving this another whirl.... thats right i'm gonna whip on into blog mode.

So yes, i declined the invitation to lunch but i did scrounge up enough kahunas to text him... and tell him that i thought it would be too awkward to go but that i was thankful for the opportunity. I spent the rest of the afternoon with my dad and then went to work in a surprisingly good mood. We were fairly busy for a Saturday night... and i was finally on top of my game.. unlike the night before.. in fact in the first hour i was there i had already topped what i had made the night before.

However, you will never guess who walked through the door, requesting to be sat with me at oh say 630... thats right the whole little family. Sister, kiddos, Ft. Collins and mother....

I mean really? Should i have been surprised. We discussed that they may come in there for dinner after the trip to Glenwood, i mean it is on the way back north... BUT i didn't suspect that they would still be coming in considering the past couple of days.

Is it good they came in? It gave us some talking opportunity but nothing serious. I don't see why he would have dragged everyone in there if it was completely over.. i mean if its over there isn't really a good reason for your mom to know me now is there?

If your thinking that it was my sisters idea to stop there and dine i have to tell you that that is incorrect... not just because i want it to be wrong but because i've invited her down so many times and she has never come in except when Ft. Collins insists she join him.

When they left i politely said goodbye to everyone, gave the kiddos big hugs and saw foco lagging behind. He asked what time i got off, i told him, he hugged me and left with the crowd. I got off 20 minutes post them leaving and i left so quickly i forgot to clock out! All i could think was that i hoped i got home before foco and mother left for home.

I DID! I could hear that everyone was upstairs... but my dad and step mother were in the kitchen so i went to scrounge up something to eat. In the time i had done that foco had already left without any site of him or any clue that he had done so. Not like he didn't know i was home... my car is in the drive way... but ya know... whatever.

I text him after i thought he may be done driving and told him that i know he is getting his mother settled but i would like to talk, he agreed. But i was thinking more so like once your mom goes to bed why dont you give me a call, not like okay sometime LATER LATER gator.

I forced myself to fall asleep after i sent one more message that i cared about him. I didn't wanna force the issue so... SNOOZE!

I woke up this morning and texted him good morning which was immediately returned to me. His plans for the day? Nothing that include me... they were on their way to church, followed by errand running.... and in the mean time my sister was up and getting the kids reading to go. They left before i even got out of my bed. HMMM wonder where they were going? Probably to Ft. Collins to meet with the family..... thats all i can think of.. i don't even have a benefit of a doubt.... this is where the scenarios are driving me nuts..

You invite my sister but say nothing to me? It must be over then, thats all i can rationalize out of it.... however the contradictory visit paid to my work yesterday keeps popping into my head as well... so what the fuck is a girl to do folks?

One last thing and then i'm out to keep my mind off of this shit... i've found my angle for when we talk. Thats right, if he wants to come at me telling me how i ignored him when i was around my friends my simple response is going to be that he must now understand how i feel every time i get home and he is burrowed away with my sister... or that every time he decides to come out WITH ME he has to have my sister tag along, and how he even sleeps in her bed instead of having a conversation with me.

I'm happy to compromise but changes need to be made. If they can't i'm done. DONE DONE DONE. And that includes me moving out of this house where i forcefully have to be aware of his every move.... with my sister....

Didn't think it would hurt, but it does....

Here is to a good day though, because everyday should be a good day.